Day 1: So, I picked up this Oprimaze nasal spray because the internet said it would "curb my appetite and transform my life." It’s basically a magical mist that’ll trick my brain into thinking I’m not hungry. Perfect! My brain’s been fooling me for years into thinking I need snacks every 15 minutes, so it’s about time we leveled the playing field.
Day 2: First spray this morning… nothing. I still wanted to inhale an entire loaf of bread for breakfast. Maybe I didn’t spray it far enough up my nose? Tomorrow I’ll aim for my brain stem.
Day 3: The instructions say to spray twice a day, but after reading somewhere where someone said they sprayed three times and felt “almost full,” I decided to go rogue. Three sprays. Living dangerously. Still fantasized about eating my pillow. But hey, progress is progress.
Day 7: Finally, something! I didn’t feel like eating a whole pizza for dinner. I only wanted three slices instead of six. Oprimaze might be working! Or it’s possible I’ve just run out of snacks and am too lazy to go grocery shopping. Either way, victory is mine!
Day 10: Is it normal to mourn a family-sized bag of chips? Asking for a friend. Oprimaze is definitely helping—I’ve only had three crying fits over missing my usual 10 p.m. nacho ritual. But hey, I also didn’t eat the nachos. Small wins!
Day 15: I’ve discovered that when you’re not constantly eating, you have to deal with your emotions. Oprimaze suppresses appetite, but it does nothing for the realization that maybe I’ve been avoiding my feelings by devouring cakes like a competitive eater. Thanks for the existential crisis, nasal spray. Truly enlightening.
Day 19: My pants are looser! It’s either the Oprimaze or I’ve stretched the waistband beyond recognition. Either way, I’m calling it progress.
Day 26: Okay, so here’s a thing no one tells you about: when you’re eating less, your fridge becomes a shrine of guilt. Every time I open it, the leftovers glare at me, like, “Remember when you used to love us?” Meanwhile, Oprimaze is like, “Shh, you don’t need them anymore.”
Day 31: Accidentally sprayed Oprimaze in the wrong nostril this morning. Pretty sure it went straight to my brain. I didn’t feel hungry OR angry… just deeply confused. Is this what mindfulness feels like?
Day 38: Results are in: I’ve lost five pounds! Not as dramatic as I hoped, but considering I’ve been faking my way through healthy eating and resisting my late-night cheese binges, I’ll take it. Thanks, Oprimaze, for giving my willpower a boost. And for not judging me when I… relapsed… into eating an entire cheesecake last weekend. Baby steps, okay?
Day 45: I’ve decided to keep going with the spray. Sure, I haven’t transformed into a size 2 goddess who subsists solely on kale smoothies, but my appetite is definitely more manageable. Plus, I can now walk past a bakery without openly sobbing.
Oprimaze: you’re not perfect, but neither am I. Together, we’re a messy, slightly less hungry duo. And honestly? I think that’s beautiful.
